Born in Colorado, I’ve lived in London for 25 years and still consider it my spiritual home. However, I’ve noticed recently that most of my closest friends in this city are other Americans. How and why did that happen? 

When I first moved here in my early twenties I was determined not to be a clichéd expat and only hang out with other Americans in American-themed bars. I made an effort to seek out British venues and past times, frequented primarily by Brits. To me, what was the point of living in another country if all I did was surround myself with other Americans?

“Fellow expats understand the emotional challenges of relocating.”

I’m not going to lie. It wasn’t easy to break into British social circles. (There is a joke that says if you place three Englishmen in a room they will create an exclusive club for two.) Sometimes it felt like I had to punch my way in and once I was there I often felt like they kept me around in the same way they might keep an interesting pet. (I wrote about this in detail in my memoir Someday My Prince Will Come.)

That said, my husband is British and I met him through fabulous British friends in my life (the Editor in Chief of this magazine among them). Still, the longer I live on this sceptered isle the more I find myself seeking comfort and comradery in other American expats. 

Once I became a mother, I felt this more strongly than ever. I ended up hiring three American nannies because I wasn’t willing to risk any cultural disconnect when it came to communicating instructions about my child. Also, less deliberately, I found myself spending countless hours in predominantly expat playgroups. I see now that I needed that shared understanding and support – even if it was unspoken. The success of expat parenting clubs like Mother Euro shows that I wasn’t alone in this. 

Fellow expats understand the emotional challenges of relocating.  They get the homesickness and the constant identity struggles. Plus we often speak the same language and share similar cultural references, which makes socializing much easier. 

Research by InterNations reveals that over 60% of expats find it hard to make local friends, while most say it’s “very easy” to connect with fellow expats. I’m not surprised.

Because fellow expats can be more than just a social outlet in a strange environment – they are often a vital source of information. Over the years, my expat friends and I have shared advice on work visas, healthcare, childcare, voting rules, tax regulations, and the best ways to get premium economy flights or real American Cheetos. On top of this, international schools and expat-friendly neighborhoods naturally push us together. 

But I’ve stopped feeling guilty about this. Being an expat means you’ve left everything you know behind for a new adventure. This takes a special kind of person with a special kind of courage –- it’s no wonder that you want to fill your life with more of these people.